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The Dark Knight sequel will suck

2008-09-09 17:28:44 by tlgmedia

Hear me out.

Now, Dark Knight was a fucking awesome movie. Quite possibly my favorite movie of all time, and it sets itself up for an interesting sequel. Unfortunately, an unwritten rule of physics states that the third movie in any superhero franchise will be flaming dog shit, regardless of the quality of the preceding movies. As much as I hate it, I have to accept it. One only needs to look at the history of superhero movies to notice the pattern:

Superman 1: Decent
Superman 2: Decent
Superman 3: Piece of shit
Superman 4: Somehow worse
Superman Returns (follows Superman 2): weak

Batman (1989): Ok for its time, although slightly silly in retrospect.
Batman Returns: A little better than Batman
Batman Forever: Like getting peed on
Batman & Robin: Like having someone vomit in your mouth, then being forced to shit out said vomit, then being forced to eat the shit that's made up of the vomit. Did I even need to elaborate? "Batman & Robin" has become synonymous with "worst anything ever"

I could go on more. And I will!

Spider-man: Awesome
Spider-man 3: Horrible crap

X-Men: Kickass
X-Men 3: Horrible crap

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Radical!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Bodacious!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3: Bummer!
TMNT: what

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm: Extremely good
Batman: SubZero: Very good
Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman: I am a gigantic nerd.

As we can see, the only option to ensure quality after the second movie is to reboot the franchise. Hell, even Superman is getting a reboot after WB realized how subpar Returns was. To be honest, I'm almost entirely sure that the Dark Knight sequel will break this trend, but you can understand why I might be apprehensive.

The Loaded Gun

PS If anyone has some counterexamples I'd be glad to see them

TLG Media - Season 5 RELAUNCH coming soon!

2008-08-30 00:08:32 by tlgmedia

Whole ton of new crap coming!

Site Rebuild- We're rebuilding TLG Media from the ground up (again...). It's going to be wicked hot though.

Robosapien- A brand new Live Action sketch! You can finally see how ugly we look (SPOILER ALERT: We're ugly)

Sentient Fish Rape 4- They said it couldn't be done, but like Saw IV it promises to be much of the same without the initial shock and originality of the first one... trust me, it'll be awesome, and it's going to have special guest star JohnnyUtah!

Harts Valentine IV- HIV has just been subjected to a major script overhaul. It's turning out even better than it was before, and will hopefully be out before Big Ds next lineup change.

Cyanide & Happiness TOTALLY RIPPED US OFF >:O

2008-08-06 17:39:51 by tlgmedia

Todays Cyanide & Happiness has a joke about an old persons head detaching from the body and flying off, which would be funny if TLG MEDIA HADN'T ALREADY DONE IT WAY BACK IN APRIL, WHICH WE TOTALLY DID. Seriously, watch Space Alligator, wait until about one minute in, you can see for yourself. WTH Cyanide & Happiness?

I swear, first South Park rips us off and now C&H. After all the blood, sweat and tears we put into these animations, coming up with such clever, cutting-edge concepts like "Lollipop King" and "Space Monkey", these jerkmos just take our ideas without asking and punch us in the butthole.

What's the matter C&H? You run out of jokes? Or did you just get wicked lazy and start stealing jokes from the internet and having your legions of fans justify it by saying "OMG ITS NOT A RIPOFF ITS AN HOMAGE STFU"? What are you, Family Guy?

I'M CALLING YOU OUT CYANIDE & HAPPINESS. Nobody shits up our noses like this and gets away with it. You're going down, you hear me? FUKKEN DOWN! >:O

In other news, Robosapien is almost done and I've started on Sentient Fish Rape 4. JohnnyUtah recorded his lines for it a few days ago. They are AWESOME.

Tabouli Lentil Gyro

Cyanide & Happiness TOTALLY RIPPED US OFF >:O

The Dark Knight

2008-07-20 02:01:00 by tlgmedia seriously my favorite movie ever now.

Also, I just watched the original Batman for the first time since I was six, and GODDAMN is that movie stupid.

LOL SO RANDOM XD and other stuff.

2008-07-16 22:46:31 by tlgmedia

I don't think I'm alone in this, but I motherfucking hate it when I read a review or comment that calls something random. Even if it's meant to be a positive review, seeing the word makes me want to drop kick twelve elementary school children, but since this is usually impossible I fall back on my regular stress reliever of building a house in the sims, moving a family in, getting them to set the house on fire and laughing uncontrollably as they all die horrible, painful deaths and I laugh on the inside. That said, I should probably explain.

Calling something random seriously devalues the work of the writer/animator, because it implies that rather than spend time and effort on a joke, they instead just slapped something together without thinking and it just so happened to be able to make people laugh. Random humor is writing something along the lines of "Ninja Banana Goat Monkey" and thinking it's funny because the words "ninja" and "monkey" are in there. That's not a joke, a joke consists of a setup and a punchline, that's just horribly lazy writing. If someone actually puts thought into their humor and it works, calling it random is the equivalent of saying "Any retard could have shit that out in an afternoon, and you were the one to do it! Congratulations!"

I think some people call what they're reviewing "random" because they can't explain why they enjoy it, but if you call something "random" you look like the kind of douchebag who actually does laugh at poorly assembled non-sequiturs and words like "pirate" and "robot". So please try to avoid using the word "random" in your reviews. Unless it's an animation about a ninja pirate robot monkey goat banana, in which case go nuts.

And I'll admit that I'm guilty of this myself; There's a part with a gangster monkey in East Coast Saints, where the joke was supposed to be that monkeys are funny, but I wrote that part of the script around 2002, I swear I've learned the errors of my ways since then. Also, we did get a sweet action scene out of it.

Anyways, if anyone is wondering what we've been up to lately, here it is:

Hart IV - One of the reasons this is taking is long is because I ended up rewriting about half the script. It wasn't turning out as well as I'd hoped, and I'd rather take my time making something good than rushing out something mediocre. Also I'm busy/lazy.

Sentient Fish Rape 4 - I should be done with the script by tomorrow night. I wrote a part for JohnnyUtah. If he turns it down I'll just have to cry and beg until he finally relents and gives a phoned-in performance. For everyone who hated Sentient Fish Rape 3, I promise this one won't involve any sex with animals.

Bachelor Party Yay! sequel - We've been planning on making a series out of The Good Time Gang for a while. I'm in the process of writing the first episode. It's either my favorite script ever or I hate children entirely too much.

Site Redesign - I'm rebuilding the site again! There's no real reason to, but I want to teach myself CakePHP and this is the best way for me to do it. Also, our site looks ugly and the back end is terrible.

Robosapien - We filmed a sketch last weekend, Chris is editing it and it'll be out soon. In the meantime, he posted one of the clips in the last news post. Check it out, it's LOLOL SO RANDOM XDXD

Other Stuff - We're working on other stuff: More animations, more sketches, a DVD nobody in their right mind would buy, all coming eventually. For now, I wait for someone to inevitably call this post random

Tall Leprechauns, Greg!

PS I love whiskey and whiskey loves me back.

You have a really cool, really expensive toy!

2008-07-14 22:46:25 by tlgmedia

Here's a clip from our next big project. We're utilizing a new style of animation in which every single image is constructed without the use of Flash or any image-editing software, called "live-action".

A grown man dancing with a tiny robot without the aid of a body - the face dance.

/* */
Taliban Loves Genocide


2008-04-16 14:56:49 by tlgmedia

Election coverage is infuriating.

Once again the Presidential Election is being boiled down to image and soundbites rather than each candidates stance on the issues. The pattern so far in this election seems to be Clinton attacking Obama over a slight non-issue while Obama valiantly and effectively defends himself while keeping the focus on his stances. For example, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright controversy has been brought up constantly, while I haven't seen a single mention of Geraldine Ferraro in weeks (Google them if you don't get the reference). Case in point, I haven't read a single article or seen a single news report on the election in the past few days that hasn't mentioned the word "bitter."

If you're not up on the story, Obama made this comment at a fundraiser in reference to working-class citizens in small towns who have lost their jobs:

"'s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."

Obama has been criticized for this statement, being called anti-religion, anti-firearms and elitist. But consider the scenario: You live in a small community with maybe one or two large employers, and due to the struggling economy they start laying people off. In times of crisis people band together, and usually the biggest rallying point in any community is the church. Furthermore, downsizing is often blamed on outsourcing, hence the resentment towards the outside. Obama makes a valid point, although it is poorly worded; he even admits that he could have phrased the comment better.

The Clinton campaign, of course, saw this as another chance to attack Obama, and the media has not shut up about it since. Clinton called the comment "elitist, out of touch and frankly, patronizing." She has even put out an ad attacking Obama over it. Clinton, the woman who put on a faux Southern accent when talking to voters in the south, frequently touts her supposed middle class childhood and apparent love of guns and beer to appeal to middle class voters (incidentially, Clinton and Obamas stance on gun control are almost exactly the same), and lied about her experiences in the Middle East to get sympathy votes called a one-off comment by Obama patronizing.

The "Elitist" tag is annoying in and of itself and something I might get into in another post, but the big problem I have with the whole issue is how much coverage the comment has been getting. It's one statement out of many from all sides, and the only reason it stands out is because it could be construed as an attack on small town America, which is gold for sensationalist news media. Consider some of the headlines: "Obama's "Bitter" Comments a Belittling Blunder", "'Bitter' quote more harmful than Wright?", "Obama: God, guns are only refuge of bitter Pennsylvanians."

There has been hundreds of reports on it, yet polls have shown that there has been no significant change in support for Obama because of it. In fact, the statement has become a rallying point for certain bitter voters. As much as Clinton might have been looking for a bump from this, it's not taking, most likely because nobody fucking cares.

So why all the coverage? Why the endless analysis? Why all the articles asking "Can Obama recover from 'bitter' flap"? Does this even deserve a "-gate"?


Those Logistical Gophers

APRIL FOOLS: Space Alligator: Episode 1! Out now! Titties and Booze!

2008-04-01 10:17:25 by tlgmedia

Hey everybody, Titties and Booze! Now that I have your attention, TLG Media has just launched it's new series, Space Alligator! Check it out here!

Me and Chris have been pooling our minds and resources together for a while to prepare this. What we've come up with is a unique blend of subtle yet complex humor that has never been seen in a web series before. I honestly believe that we're going to revolutionize comedy with this series. In fact, we're so devoted to it that we've decided to stop production on all our other projects to focus all our efforts on Space Alligator.

So go watch it already! And be sure to check for episode 2, coming soon from TLG Media!

Tenderly Lacking Gloss

This is a joke, we're fully aware of how stupid it is.

APRIL FOOLS: Space Alligator: Episode 1! Out now! Titties and Booze!

Hart IV delayed yet again

2008-02-15 02:36:55 by tlgmedia

Well, to the six or seven people who might care, Hart IV, the one with Big D and the Kids Table (!), isn't done yet, nor do I have any idea when it will be done. I'll try to make an announcement of some sort when it's just about ready.

Too Lazy Goddamnit

Hart IV delayed yet again

The Video Game Crash of 1983

2008-02-10 16:21:57 by tlgmedia

"The North American Video Game Crash" refers to a period from 1983 to 1986 when nobody gave a flying fuck about video games, leading to the industry practically imploding. The main cause of the crash was an over-saturated market in a time of relatively little demand. The video game industry eventually rebounded in 1986 after the success of the NES and became the hulking behemoth it is today. It was definitely a shit time for video games, but it's ridiculous to think there will be another crash any time soon.

Then again, look at video games now and you might see history repeating itself. The decrease in demand for games in 1983 is often blamed on ET and Pacman for the Atari 2600, a game based on a popular license and a port to a home system respectively, both of which are widely regarded as absolute shit. Right now the market is overwhelmed by games based on asinine licenses (pretty much every blockbuster movie gets its own tie-in game, not to mention games based on TV Shows, Toys, cartoons, classic movies etc.) and sub-par ports (basically every port to the Wii). The quality of these games tend to range from "mediocre" to "affront to humanity": For fucks sake, why was Napoleon Dynamite: The Game even allowed to see the light of day?

Of course, there were many more reasons for the crash:

-Developers with no idea what they were doing: Activision, the first third party game developer, came out quite well, mostly because it consisted of experienced ex-Atari programmers who knew what the fuck they were doing. Other companies tried to jump into the industry, ranging from tech companies such as Radio Shack and Texas Instruments (who had the technical knowledge to produce games but lacked the game-design experience to make them captivating or innovative) to companies from entirely unrelated industries (the most notorious example being Quaker Oats: I shouldn't even have to elaborate on why they failed). With this in mind, is the failure of the Phillips CD-i or the Phantom console really all that surprising?

-Corporate Arrogance: Inventing and accounting for 2/3rds of a multi-billion dollar industry will naturally lead to some corporate hubris, and in the case of ET, Pac-Man and several other games the Atari higher-ups felt it necessary to produce more cartridges than consoles sold. There's no way to convince anyone that this is a good business move, but people would be so crazy for these games that they would shell out the extra cash for multiple copies, right? Pretty much every hardcore gamer knows the story of the New Mexico landfill where the thousands of unwanted cartridges were dumped. These days, Sony espousing the awesomeness of the PS3 can be somewhat annoying, but it comes with the added bonus of goddamn fanboys too.

Popular Aversion to Video Games: In 1983 video games were widely considered at best to be toys for children and pointless wastes of time, and at worst to be corrupting the youth of America and retardedly stupid wastes of time. 25 years later video games are widely considered at best to be toys for children and pointless wastes of time, and at worst to be corrupting the youth of America and retardedly stupid wastes of time. In the past, gamers were stereotyped as either kids or basement dwelling nerds. Although this image has vastly improved in recent years, how many times have you seen a politician try to curry favor by attacking those video games that are causing all those kids to go on shooting rampages, or a news report about the seX-Box 360 and Pornstation Portable that can access the Internet and play videos and thus ACTIVELY ENCOURAGE CHILDREN TO WATCH THE PORNOGRAPHY?

Among others.

I was born in 1986 when the NES was becoming popular, and my first gaming memory was playing Sonic the Hedgehog on my cousins Genesis when I was about 5. I grew up with video games and for me there was never a time where the industry was in danger of collapsing. I don't want to come off as overly critical or against gaming. Sure, there's plenty of annoying things about video games today (fanboys, sequelitis, rip-offs and cliches, the Spike TV Video Game Awards etc.) but the industry is only improving. Technical presentation FAR outweighs demand; Wii games, with lesser graphic capabilities, often exceed the popularity of graphically astonishing games like Crysis, which some will not have a PC powerful enough to run it properly for another couple years. By contrast, people were already fed up the Atari 2600s and Intellivision's primitive technology in 1982 but would have to wait another 4 years for something better. If you grew up with parents who couldn't see the appeal or wrap their heads around Sonic the Hedgehogs control scheme you would probably appreciate just how much casual gaming and the Wii have increased the accessibility of gaming. And sure the MTV 360 launch was embarrassingly juvenile and had less to do with video games than an episode of TRL, but I think "annoying teenager" is a step up from "basement dwelling man-child" as far as the perception of gamers goes.

Most people who were kids when video games emerged are now adults starting their own families, so public perception of games and their effects on children will only improve as time goes on. Even movies were considered a low form of entertainment until nearly half a century after their invention, when they were finally widely appreciated as a form of art on par with other mediums, and even then it was hotly contested. So remember, every time you see some ignorant jerk making false claims and vague generalizations about games and gamers on Fox News, things could be much, much worse.

The Legion Grows!